“They have criticized me badly in front of everyone,” said A.
“It happens all the time, just get over this already,” said friend B.
“Being negatively evaluated in everyone’s presence can be hard to deal with emotionally,” said friend C.
“Hmm, I can see how humiliated you are feeling as they picked up on you so harshly, especially when everyone was around,” said friend D.
If you were A, which friend’s response would have made you feel better?
C & D? If yes, then you likely know how it feels to be empathized with. Some say being empathetic means “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes”. This involves trying to understand the other person’s perspective on a situation or experience and conveying that understanding. It also includes checking whether we got it right or if there’s more to the experience. By doing this, we avoid imposing our assumptions and show that we are genuinely trying to understand their situation. Trying to imagine how we might feel in the same situation can help us empathize with others, but that doesn’t capture the whole picture. It’s not about seeing the situation in our own light; it’s about understanding how the other person might feel within their unique context. It’s like entering their inner mental world.
Types of Empathy
Empathy comes in different forms. Friend C, who recognized and expressed the context of A’s experience, used cognitive empathy. Cognitive empathy focuses on the meaning of a situation to the other person. It’s a higher level of empathy where we understand others’ perspectives well enough to resonate with their interpretations. However, cognitive empathy doesn’t always emphasize emotional content directly.
Get back to friend D’s response, which addressed the emotional aspect right away. This is affective empathy, which connects with the emotional state of the other person. It involves identifying and naming emotions like humiliation, as D did. Affective empathy slips into the emotional realm and tries to recognize how the person might be feeling. Friend D not only identified the right emotional word but also explained why friend A might feel that way. Thus, both cognitive and affective empathy were demonstrated; the types, when combined, work very well in understanding others.
Another type of empathy is compassionate empathy, where alongside understanding the context and emotional aspect of experience, there is a feeling to do something for the person or to take any relevant action.
Contextual Practice
The practice of empathy varies depending on the context. For example, in a formal meeting, cognitive empathy may be more appropriate, while with friends or family, affective or even compassionate empathy may be more fitting. However, there are no hard and fast rules; it all depends on individual judgment.
Empathy isn’t limited to when someone is feeling down. It can be applied to positive experiences too, where the focus is on recognizing and understanding positive emotions and their contributing factors.
How to Practice Empathy
This ability to empathize is very natural for many human beings and it can also be learned and refined with practice. The simple steps can be –
- Actively listen without judging what is right or wrong.
- Grasp the person’s thoughts and feelings considering their personal context.
- Convey this understanding with verbal response, relevant facial expressions and body language,
- Check if your assumptions are right or there’s more to the experience.
Practicing empathy can help build meaningful relationships and strengthen our social support system. However, we need to be mindful about not getting so immersed in others’ experiences and emotions that we forget to “step out of their shoes”! It can impact our own mental well-being.
Self-Empathy
Empathy isn’t something that we can only render to others —it can also be offered toward ourselves. The same steps can be followed for better understanding of our experiences without judging the thoughts or emotions and for conveying to ourselves what exactly is happening in our mindscape.
Let’s give others and ourselves the gift of being seen, heard and understood!
Alima Akter Methila
Psychologist, wEvolve
