Why Won’t My Psychologist Just Tell Me What to Do?

When facing emotional pain and seeking relief, it’s natural to look to psychologists for immediate solutions. The expectation is often that an expert will provide clear advice to quickly resolve the issue at hand. However, the role of a psychologist is not to simply tell clients what to do. Instead, their approach involves guiding clients through a process that leads to lasting change and personal growth.

The Difference Between Advice and Counseling

It’s important to distinguish between giving advice and providing counseling. Advice typically reflects the advisor’s values, thoughts, and judgments. This approach might not be effective because each client’s situation is unique. Direct advice can sometimes be harmful, as it may prevent clients from developing their problem-solving skills and foster dependency.

A Case History: V’s Journey

Consider the story of Miss V, a young professional struggling with anxiety and indecision about her career. Feeling overwhelmed, she sought help from a psychologist, hoping for straightforward advice on whether to quit her job. Instead of telling her what to do, her psychologist used a different approach.

In their sessions, V’s psychologist helped her explore her feelings and concerns about her job. Through guided conversations, V identified the specific aspects of her work that caused her stress and unease. This process allowed her to see her situation more clearly and consider various options she hadn’t previously thought of.

As V discussed her choices, her psychologist helped her weigh the pros and cons of each potential decision. This included staying in her current job, seeking a new position within the same field, or even changing careers entirely. By examining these options in detail, V was able to understand the possible outcomes and implications of each path.

The psychologist also focused on building V’s decision-making skills. Instead of relying on the psychologist’s judgment, V learned to trust her insights and instincts. This empowerment was crucial, as it helped her gain confidence in her ability to navigate future challenges independently.

Over time, V began to feel more in control of her situation. She decided to stay in her job for the time being, but she also started networking and exploring opportunities in a field she was passionate about. This decision was her own, informed by a deeper understanding of her needs and goals, rather than a directive from her psychologist.

The Benefits of a Collaborative Approach

V’s case illustrates the benefits of a collaborative approach to therapy. By guiding V to explore her options and make informed decisions, the psychologist helped her develop valuable life skills. V learned to analyze her problems critically, consider various solutions, and make decisions that felt right for her.

This method fosters long-term growth and resilience. Clients like V are better prepared to handle future difficulties because they have honed their problem-solving abilities. They become more independent and confident, reducing the likelihood of recurring issues. While it might seem frustrating that a psychologist won’t just give direct advice, this method is designed to empower clients rather than make them dependent. By guiding clients to explore their choices, understand the implications of their decisions, and foster independence, psychologists help individuals achieve lasting personal growth and self-sufficiency. This process ensures that clients are better prepared to handle future challenges on their own. Embracing the process of self-discovery and skill development can lead to profound and lasting changes, ultimately contributing to a more fulfilling and resilient life.

Samia Zaman
Psychologist, wEvolve

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